Yikes! 2 months have passed since my last entry. Since then, you have turned 5, I have made some big life choices, and most importantly, I’ve gotten your school supply list.
Yes. Your school supply list for KINDERGARTEN. I joke with people often about how I envision your first day of kindergarten going something like this: I wake up early, make you a cute lunch (double check it), make sure your backpack and jacket are ready, come wake you up, try to snuggle with you for just a little longer than normal (I mean, this will be last time I have with my “preschooler”), we’ll walk you to school, and I’ll come back, head to the shower and sob for a good hour…And everyone thinks I’m being funny, but the sad part is, I actually think this is completely plausible.
I am mourning you growing up. I am mourning the fact that this is when I let you fly into someone else’s care for 7 hours a day. I am scared that this will change our relationship, which could be really good, but I will miss this stage of life with you so much, and I am keenly aware that it’s coming to a close. I’m not scared that you won’t meet friends–that always comes easy for you. I’m not scared that you’ll act poorly or that you’re not ready. I’m scared that I won’t always remember the way you walk into my room every morning and snuggle with me, and when I think you’ve fallen asleep, you ask me to scratch your back. I’m scared that I won’t always be able to protect you, that you will one day come home hurting, and I won’t be able to do anything but listen. I know that this transition leads into a lot of unknown stuff for the both of us. But you are so tough and so vibrant, so my fears are my own and not for you. Stay adventurous and enthusiastic and energetic. You have so much to offer this world, and I only hope it’s (and I’m) up for the challenge.