Mindfulness…from a chaotic mind.

mindful

I was going to write about my journey in seeking a more mindful lifestyle today. I was going to talk about how this past year I’ve really adopted a sense of mindfulness into my every day life. Being present in the moment. Relinquishing control of the things I can’t change. I was going to sound brilliant and interesting and show off my expertise. I was going to create a series “Mindful Mondays,” (and then I struggle with the thought of that…mindful mondays? That sounds ridiculous…)

And then I woke up to dog shit. Literal diarrhea. And I cleaned up…nothing like the nauseating smell of poop from a dog that will eat just about anything at 7am to really start your day off right. But I had my coffee and all was right in my world.

Well, except for the fact that my head was pounding so hard, it felt like my brain was trying to escape my skull. But then I made an early trip to the store, by myself, which are always so nice. I get home and Z and I shuck some corn (it’s called shucking, right? I live in Kansas…I should know this by now). And it’s refreshing and sweet and I’m grateful for this life.

And then I workout, and I feel crappy about my body, and I’m struggling through it. And then I start getting bombarded with a million texts from a million different people, and I don’t have a chance to take a shower before I have to run an errand, and the house is hot, and I’m feeling gross. And then Z (politely) refuses to get dressed and I lose it. I turn into a complete and utter lunatic who is screaming and crying and throwing things. And all of a sudden, I find myself outside sobbing.

So much for Mindful Mondays.

Or maybe that’s the point. Because adopting mindful living is about finding gratitude in the chaos. A mindful living does not equal a a simple, clean, fresh life…Sure, it can get you there. But the whole purpose of mindfulness, at least in my experience is about letting go of the control, and trusting that life will happen. It will not happen in the way we always want or at the time we always want, but it will happen. And in these moments, when life all of sudden gets overwhelming, whether for silly reasons or not, it’s time to get back to basics. To focus on your breath. To approach this moment with gratitude. To stop trying to control the uncontrollable ebb and flow of life.

So, I take a breath, gain some composure and face the two people I love most in the world…and say sorry. And with how embarrassed I am with my behavior, it’s hard to face it. But the thing about life…and living a mindful life…it will repeatedly humble you, when you least expect it. My mantra that gets me through the day: It’s a bad day, not a bad life. It’s a bad day, not a bad life. It’s a bad day, not a bad life…

Needless to say, I’ll take you through my mindfulness journey, but it certainly won’t always be a pretty sight….

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